Wednesday, September 21, 2011

a post with no title

I've just had one of "those" days. You know, those days where you feel absolute crappy and trapped and trying to get out of the hell-hole you're in. You know, one of those days. 

Oh, you've never had those days before? Well..good for you. I sure have them plenty lot. Not everyday, just possibly if you want to quantify it -- once a month. Especially during/after/before aunt flo drops by for a visit. I don't know, I mean, ever since having kids, my hormones have gone mad!

I try to be positive, think positive and smell the roses..what roses? Those in my house are either fake plastic or possibly dying from mal-nurtition. Many already died. So, no more flowery plants. God knows I don't have green fingers. The only one who pots away is dear hubby, and to a certain extent, my lovely neighbour who cares too much to let living things just rot away. She's taken over as our plants' care provider. Bless her indeed. 

OK..where was I? Yeah, so, positive..positive chants. Frankly, they don't work. Really. But, what does it for me mostly is my 6 year old niece. When I think of her, I will slap myself silly (not in an erotic way, you guys), and wake up in an instant because other people have 'real' problems. I am just whinning away. Real people with real problems. 

My niece, she's autistic. You won't know it if you look at her but she is. The sad truth is, she may remain this way for a very very long time. It's hard as it is raising normal kids. I mean, we all parents can testify to that. How many of us threatened to throw our kids to the bin when they were naughty? We don't mean it of course, but you know, we have that thought. So, imagine having to deal with a special child, day in- day out, not having any help i.e a maid, and feeling so drained out mentally and physically because she will never understand. It's tough x 1000-times. It's really hard on the parents who not only has to deal with her but her brother who is a 100% normal. How do you balance that?

They are not alone, I am certain. If you read the newspaper, or have a colleague, you will realise that many are actually having to carry this gigantum weight on their shoulders. And, boy, 

Whenever I think about them, I snap out of my childish thoughts immediately. Pronto. It's enough to make me wake -up and clean the house (not with glee...but just less resentment). Then, when I am actively doing something, my mind usually stay focus and most unhealthy thoughts will slowly disappear. And then, it's another day. 

This post isn't going anywhere. It's easy to complain when we don't have to deal with difficulties. But, it's certainly another when we are burdened with them. Am I making any sense? Apologies if I am not. I am merely spewing out random incoherent meaningless thoughts. I will return with more...err...normal posts I guess..


chinnee said...

no one is ever alone in this world. hugs to you, Shireen...

Ann said...

I know these days. Hope all will be well soon. Chocs and ice cream don't help?

I know autism...and indeed it is tough. Bravo to your family.

Shireen Loh said...

Thank you all!!

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