at random

I've been sitting here for the past 10 minutes wondering what I should write for today. Have you had one of those days where your mind's just blank and nothing seems to be oozing out from there? I've had plenty of that and today is no exception. Nothing. Blank..blank..and blank.

I'll try nevertheless. The hubby gave me a holiday this evening. **jumps..no, flies for joy**. He took the girls and left the building. They've left and are on the way to MIL's for dinner. THe grandparents miss seeing the girls. We have not been there as often as before because we didn't want to give the old folks more work to do. Lil Em will be chasing after FIL wanting him to carry her and because he can't, she'll get annoyed and start doing the 'bollywood' on the floor. Besides, she's extremely cranky lately because she's the flu (cough and cold).

Speaking of FIL, he's doing fine with each passing day. The test results from his prostate came back negative for cancer; so that is a huge relief for us all. He needs to get his act together and start to really take care of himself. But you know how it is with the old folks - they get more stubborn as they age. So, there's really so much we can do in terms of getting him to take his meds, drink more water, eat more healthily etc...

And, what am I doing home? Oh..heheh..just chilling. Technically, I have been 'chilling' all day since the hubby's home today. It's a national holiday. But, now, the "chilling" is quieter and calmer. When the 2 of them are together, it's havoc. I don't blame Ash cos she's ok. On the other hand, I can't blame lil Em either because she only has one goal in mind right now and that is to have ALL that the sister is having. It can be a pain at times. So far, Ash has been pretty accommodating whenever we tell her to 'give it up' to her sister but sometimes, I feel it's very unfair to Ash. Why does Ash have to give in every time the sister wants something? It has to go both ways, doesn't it? Hmmm..is it strange that I feel this way about them when Ash hasn't really shown any signs of...urm...rebelling? The worst is, whenever lil Em decides to give Ash a big punch on the face or a good whack on the hands with whatever she's holding. It's as if it's ok for lil EM to do it because she seem to be doing it all the time and will only stop whenever I stop her or when Ash yells out "OUCH!!!...Stop it". And Ash knows that she has to consciously be gentle with her sister because we always tell her so. She has asked us "why not mommy?". She cannot articulate well but I know, she's trying to ask me "why not mommy; why mini can and Ashrli cannot?". So far, she is pretty receptive of what we tell her whenever she asks us. But, I don't know why I have this unsettled feeling; this feeling that one day Ash is not going to accept what I or we tell her and one day she will rebel or fight back. And I am worried that I won't be able to handle it when it happens. You know, I don't really want to impose; but rather, I want to explain to them so that they understand the things that are going on. I feel that chances for them complying would be best if they understand. I don't know, I may be in over my head in wanting to create or have this ideal situation. Perhaps, some things will and do not have any explanation and that they just have to trust us that as their parents, we will and are doing the right thing (or at least, we try our best to).

it's ok mini..

My eldest, miss Ash, as she grew older from being a teeny baby, she became more aware of her surroundings. That meant more work for us. She would crawl everywhere, opening every drawer she could get her teeny hands on and will eventually cry when her teeny fingers got caught in one of them. When she started walking, our workload doubled.

Also, she became very knowledgeable too i.e she knew that outside of the house was far more fun than inside of the house. I could have a swimming pool in the house and yet she'd want to go out. So, every morning, whenever hubby left for work, she would cry at the door. Cry and cry like she was being tortured. She wanted hubby to scoop her up and take her to where-ever she was going because evidently, being at home with mommy was going to bore her to tears. It was, I believe a cry for help on her part. But of course, hubby couldn't take her; lest he wanted to get fired. I had to step in and pacify the crying baby as hubby waves his goodbyes.

Fast forward to lil Em now, I'm beginning to experience a sense of deja vu. As soon as she hears hubby grabbing the keys, she'll drop whatever she's doing, whatever she's holding and run after him. And as soon as she realizes that he's not about to take her along with him, she will start bawling; cry her lil eyes out.

This time, the ending is a little different : I'm not the one pacifying her, Ash does that for me now. Every morning, I will hear a sweet and gentle lil voice soothing, urging her baby sister :

"It's ok mini, don't cry...don't cry mini. Daddy go worp. Wait first, daddy come back first ok. Don't cry."

I got myself a little angel, didn't i? :-)

supernatural

This post is another non-mommy related post. Dang! I should just have another blog for my 'other' stories..:-).

Anyway, this is the hungry ghost month. Go google it if you wanna know. This month, you are warned not to travel at night, not to swim not to take any financial risks (?) or ask for car insurance quotes. I'm kidding re: the last one. But, yes, you are not supposed to say, go rock climbing or try white water rafting for the first time. Nandre...nothing of that sort for this whole month.

Now, I am a scardy cat and I will listen. Yeah, I won't listen to many things but for this, I will. For some reason I am so paranoid when walking out. I'll look left and right, over my shoulders to see if severed fingers tap on them. Or I'll get really suspicious of plastic bags left out on the streets. I'd be afraid they contain bloody heads of someone (or thing).

OK..so where on earth is this post going? No where. Just wanted to write something about this. And just so you know, I'll be safe after Sept 8!! heheheh...I swear, right now, I am a certified Tanjung Rambutan inmate! :-P

true happiness

being Happy

doesn't mean everything's perfect

it just means

you've decided to look beyond the imperfections

- Cindy Peters -

how do you know when you're OVULATING?

I don't. Please tell me how!!!

Cynthia wrote about her ovulating and because of that, she's staying away from her hubby heheh...I know - super cute right! :-D

Quite honestly, I really don't know when I'm ovulating. I've read about all the signs i.e cramps, mucus colour, rising body temperature on the net..but when we were planning for the kids, we always fail to get it right. OK, more like I never got it right because hubby doesn't know what I'm talking about. So, my kids were conceived a year after the year that they supposed to have been..urm..made.

But then, I always believed planning (for kids) does not usually work. I remembered when I got married, my ex-boss from my workplace told me to try to get pregnant quick. Don't wait she said. I was like "are you sure?. I would be on maternity leave...for two..TWO whole months!!" hehhe..I think she stopped encouraging me after that. I'm digressing but her point was not to wait because when you want it, you won't have it.

5 years after being married, I was beginning to see her point. Very clearly. If you've read somewhere in my blog, I might have mentioned that Ash was born 5 years after I got married. She came so late into my marriage my mom was starting to get worried. We weren't ready at that point. Funny how we weren't ready considering we were already 27 when we got hitched. A lot of people would have at least 2 kids by 27. But, not us, we decided that my eggs were good and hubby's boys were good boys. So, we waited. For what I never quite figured out but we just waited. Many of our friends started popping kids out like gum-ball machines but we waited. Even way back then, we knew that it was more fun having other people's kids to play with than to have your own. heheh..

When we were finally ready, I checked all the signs and just did what we needed to do when we were supposed to do it. Let me tell you (and I might have told you before..) for Ash, we took about 6 months. For lil Em, it took a shorter amount of time. The thing is, I can never tell when I am ovulating. I seriously can't. I just do not know how or probably got all the signs wrong. Then again, I'm pretty dense so I actually need someone to tell me straight in the face and quite literally - you.are.o-v-u-l-a-t-i-n-g.right.now. Otherwise, I see no other way. I am simply clueless.

I'm just wondering - do you know when you're ovulating? Can you tell? How..how do you acquire that psychic power?

what's been happening here and here and...here

Last weekend was the first weekend ever that I personally felt was my FIL's best. Really. He looked so so much happier which led us to now believe that he's been hurting for a while but kept it to himself. For his sake, I'm truly glad this episode is now over. He will have to go in for a check-up with the doc on Wed..just to get an update and stuff. Happy for him..:-).

Lets see..what else did we do..Ah..yes..we finally got rid of our sofa bed in the study downstairs. It's now sitting in our room. I kinda regret getting it in the first place because its so so bulky and something I really hate to have in our house right now. But, it's something that comes in very handy when you need it so I have to learn to love it.

We bought a new kid's study table and chairs for the girls. When I saw it, I had to have it immediately cos it's a mickey mouse shaped table which I knew Ash would love. I didn't even hesitate and sort of ordered hubby to get it. I'll admit, I am a compulsive shopper but I'm not a habitual or an obsessive shopper; if that makes any sense at all. So, yeah, that's kind of my vice but being un-obsessive kinda cancels each other out don't you think? :-).

Anyway, the girls' table and chairs goes into the study where the sofa-bed was. I'm also thinking of converting the study into a playroom for them but..I'll probably have to take another look and see cos the room is not very big and with stuffing their table in there, I'm not sure if there's anymore room for the toys. We shall see..

So, that's been kinda our weekend. Busy but yet, not busy..if you know what I mean. How was yours - did anything crazy?

the SAHM look

When I decided to stay home and take care of Ash, my friend gave me one advice. Though she's not married, therefore had no idea what SAHM's are or supposed to do, how in the world was she going adequately advise me?

Aha...well, I'm not that stuck- up -- so I listened. She told me "make sure you wear something nice everyday. DOn't make yourself look frumpy".

I was "ok". I really nodded and listened intently and made a major mental dent in my head.

She wasn't being mean. When you think about it, she actually had a point. For someone who isn't married, she really has a point. Looking good takes effort, but..when you look good you actually feel good. Don't you agree?

However, I must confess that I never really did what she told me to. I don't know why but probably, I felt, it just wasn't practical for me. It's like, unless I am going out, it just doesn't make sense for me to 'dress up' or wear something 'decent' at home. By the time I am done with the kids and cooking, I am already sweating up buckets.

But, recently, I decided to act on her advice. Not that I started wearing heels while giving lil Em a bath or when I'm cooking lunch for that matter, but just that I decided to..de-frumpisize. Yep, I made sure that every morning, after I've cleaned my face and brush my teeth, I'd pick out something nice to wear. It could be that sun-dress I have in my wardrobe or that flowery tube I bought a week ago.

It felt nice. The day seemed brighter for some reason. Even the hubby asked me if I was going somewhere even though I wasn't carrying my rfid wallet..hahahah...:-P.

Anyway, it has been a fun exercise. I began to realize how frumpy i've been looking and possibly feeling all these SAHM-years. Only picking out clothes to wear when we are going out is so un-fun. It's definitely a different feeling when you're pretty-ing up everyday now, isn't it?

So, what about you, what do you wear at home as SAHMs? Are you the lazy frumpy ones like me or are you the glam un-frumpy ones? :-D.

random shots of lil Em

I realised I have not been updating photos of lil Em lately. Guilty. It's an accumulation of many things, one of which is the fact that I haven't been photographing her as much. I know I should but didn't get around to get it done. From this lack of practise, I feel a little rustier with my camera now. **shudder**..I should really get that picture-grabbing mode back...pronto!!

Anyway, here are some random shots I took a while back. I've just picked them..urm, quite randomly for this post. In no particular order, a couple of her post 1 year old :-) :

more changes

So, hubby went into work this morning to get some things done before heading out to the hospital to get his mom. MIL spent the night with FIL last night but from what I heard, neither could sleep because they had a very chatty neighbor. That's the thing with a 4-bed room, if any one of your neighbors decides that it's too early for bed, nobody sleeps! The old patient was calling out for the nurses like 100 times and kept on talking really loudly in the middle of the night, presumable about his company's business : supplying steel for steel building. It got so bad that the nurses had to wheel him out of the room so the rest could sleep. Poor fella.

Hubby left work around lunchtime so he could bring MIL home to change, shower and simply get some rest. She needed it badly cos when she was at our place on Sunday, she hardly slept a wink. She hardly ate too; her mind pre-occupied with my FIL. Can't exactly blame her because he is after all close to 80. But, thankfully, everything went well and according to hubby, he seemed much better today after the surgery. Guess FIL is just so so glad that it's over.

But, we're still waiting for results of certain tests he took. Hubby asked for a thorough check-up on his dad. Just to be sure. So far, we've found that he has cataracts. He must've had it for a while now but you know, that's the thing with him; he doesn't want to get anything checked. I kinda feel that he's just scared...scared to know reality I guess. And knowing him, he just doesn't want to worry anyone, not wanting to trouble anyone. Just like that night, he couldn't urinate the whole night and yet at 4am in the morning, he drove out with my MIL to look for a 24-hour clinic. Can you believe this man? Later, we found out from the doc that he's not even supposed to drive with his condition!!

See what I mean about a 'change' coming about. I don't think we can leave them alone any longer because MIL doesn't know how to drive. But, even if she did, they can't be alone. I don't want to speculate about what we're going to do because we haven't talked about it yet. We'll probably discuss it with them later. I won't lie to you but it's all a little unnerving. I honestly don't know how to care for the elders. Sometimes, I don't even know how to take care of myself. Know what I mean? OK...I am thinking too much, too far ahead. I shall just focus on the kids first....but I can't help it!!

the weekend of change

It all started on Friday. What we thought was a routine end of the week, turned out to be a worrisome one for the whole family.

My FIL had surgery today to remove stones in his bladder.

I don't even know where to begin. It just happened all of a sudden. When we went home from PIL's after dinner on Friday, he was fine but on Saturday morning, MIL called and told us to get him checked out at the hospital. Hubby did. That was on Saturday and today, he had his op. Thankfully, the surgery went well. No complications whatsoever. It was meant to be a minor medical procedure but because of his age, it didn't come out as one. It took the docs more than 2 hours to get it done. Of course, they also had to shave off part of his enlarged prostate which was blocking his urinary tract causing the stones. But still, it felt like such a long time.

I just feel so much for hubby. He has to be strong for both his mom and his dad. He's doing a fantastic job thus far. If it was me, I would've collapsed on my Moen kitchen faucets. I've had to deal with the kids while he's been away tending to his parents and only coming home at night. I was able to sneak out for a while to visit my FIL this afternoon while my mom watched both girls. So, thank God for my parents; they have been a big big help to me the past weekend.

Gosh..I'm knackered...I'll have to continue this tomorrow.

is your child a hoarder?

Mine is.

Ash loves to hoard stuff. I'm not sure she's suffering from any disorder but it's her habit - hoarding. SHe'll take whatever she finds interesting from my mom's place, from my PIL and even from the library. Once she brought home a used eraser some kid left at the library. My MIL literally sterilize the poor beat up eraser at home before letting her play with it further. I'm not sure if she knew or knows how to use one but somehow that little jack-in-the-box illustration on it fascinated her. So much so that she cried her eyes out when we forgot to pack it home with us when we left for home from MIL's. She was trying to describe to us what we forgot all the way home, but we just didn't understand her. I think that made her even more frustrated resulting more cries.

When we got home, we called MIL immediately if they had bought her anything new or anything old that she discovered (MIL's home is like treasure island to Ash) while she was there during the day. MIL hadn't the faintest idea. Ash was still sobbing. 20 minutes later, MIL called us back and told us yes, there's this eraser that she picked up and was fiddling with it the whole day. OK...so we told MIL to hold on to it and not let it escape. We went back to sobbing Ash and told her the eraser was safe with MIL and that MIL will take good care of it and that we'll bring her to MIL the next day so she could have her eraser back.

That episode happened about a month back. Ash hasn't asked for the eraser since. But, we can't throw it out or donate it because Ash will ask for it one day and I don't really wanna be caught dead trying to think of a reason to tell her. Trust me, because she will!!!