Friday, May 30, 2008

Mommy instincts

The reason for me starting this blog was so I could share some of my first time mommy experience with you guys. I kind of forgotten that along the way and I realised that I've gone off-tangent as I 'progressed' in blogging. Other things sort of got me side-tracked so to speak but I should start writing about these experiences before I forget them cos time flies real fast. So fast that in less than 2 months, I'd be celebrating my first blog-versary! Crazy huh?

I started blogging when Ash was about 4 months old. Then, it was a lot easier taking care of her so I used to blog on my trusty ol' desktop. I've stopped using it for quite a while now since I've been using the lappie which hubby bought to ease my mobility around the house. Its useful when you are chasing after your toddler and answering emails simultaneously. Yes, somehow, you'd acquire this phenomenal skill once you are a mom. LOL..

Recently, I have started on my desktop again because I started learning how to scrap (and its quite fun by the way) and its a lot easier scraping on my desktop than with the lappie. I was going through the folders which I have bookmarked and came across a blog post which sort of spoke my mind. The post is really about how you shouldn't let other people tell you how to raise your child but that isn't my focus today. The part which struck me the most was that you would develop your mommy instincts as soon as you give birth. Something which I am quite sure a lot of experience moms would agree with.

You know, after giving birth to Ash, I was scared to be alone in the room with her. I constantly needed someone to be there with me. Doesn't matter who, as long as there was someone. I really didn't know what to do.

When I got home from the hospital, my mom was with me for a month. Its our Chinese tradition to have someone accompany us during this post-partum period of what we term as “confinement”. My mom did everything for me. By the third week, I had to learn to bathe her, burp her (I wasn't good at it), change her diaper etc...It was still alright cos my mom was still around but after the fourth week, I was all alone and let me tell you that it was one of the scariest moments of my life. I even wondered if I was actually up for being a SAHM. Can I really do this? I cried a lot, for so many reasons. I couldn't successfully breastfeed, my back hurt when I bend to change her (I didn't have a changing table) and when I bathe her because the tub we used was placed on the bathroom floor. So, when I gave her a bath I had to kneel or squat. I also wasn't good at burping her and that made her colicky. Everything just wasn't right. How could I tell if she is feeling ok or if she falls ill? What do her cries mean? I would cringe every morning when my hubby went to work and prayed for every hour to go by faster.

My hubby continued his encouraging words....“you can do it. If millions of moms out there have done it, then its possible. Just take one step at a time”....I realised then that it was all up to me. I'm the mom and no matter what, I've got to step up. This little girl depends on me now. So I did. I tried. I focused. I listened to the positives, block the negatives. I referred to books and people I trust. This new responsibility didn't seem so overwhelming after all but most importantly, I just “knew”, even for a wuzz like me.

6 comments:

Mommy to Chumsy said...

ahh...me like you too. I cried a lot initially :) when we brought ashley out to the mall for the very first time, she puked and i just frozed. didn't know what to do and I wanted to cry at the mall :(

i think we mommies are doing pretty ok now eh? ;)

Tammy said...

Being a first time mom is pretty scary eh, the second time around is easier, busier, but easier. Have a great weekend my friend!

My Bug Life said...

Well..you've learned well and look where you now..momsie sharing her experiences with others!

From what I know and the little that I see, I believe you have done a good job my fren..:D

Ling That's Me said...

During my 1st confinement, I almost developed post-natal depression as my MIL often went out and left me with my newborn. I was so helpless then and kept on crying...with my 2nd one, I was more experienced :)

mott said...

Sounds like u had a lil of PND. I think all new and existing moms do cry alot when they have their new babies.

I felt like running away..each and everytime! Still do! Heh...

CS said...

You've done well. All these hard works will be paid off when u see ur lil' one is growing up everyday and doing all sort of tricks just to make u smile. Salute to all the SAHM out there. It's not easy to do that especially when ur child is of toddling age where u need to watch them more frequently.

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