Friday, February 22, 2008

What happened to me

Been almost a week since I last blogged. What happened? I'll tell you what happened. The hubs and I went on a second honeymoon to Timbuktu and decided to settle down there, thats what happened!! Hehehhe....NOT!! Actually, I had fever last weekend. Then, in the wee hours of Monday mornin', I had the worst, the most terrible diarrhoea EVER in the history books of diarrhoea. That horrible purging lasted for 8 hours and I was still having fever. Hubby took the day off to accompany me and took me to the doctors in the afternoon when I stopped visiting the loo. I don't know what happened. It could be something I ate or have been eating during the CNY days leading up to then.

Luckily, Ashley spent the night (Sunday night) with my in laws cos I was still not feeling well then. Hubby told me that when she was the car, she cried cos I wasn't in the car with them. That really broke my heart and I felt shitty (pardon the pun) for being sick-y when I heard that. I did miss her when she wasn't with us that night.

It means, I have done something right. Or is it all babies miss or want their mommies no matter how they treat them. Do they remember? I say this cos, during the early months, I had a hard time adjusting to becoming a new mom. It doesn't help with people constantly wanting to be the "cook" as well. It just got to me really bad and I snapped. I snapped at my baby a couple of times. I will always remember that. Remember how a terrible mother I was and that it was not her fault. I tried very hard subsequently to change cos I knew that I had to. It was hard. You're fighting against emotions or feelings you never had, emotions that you can't control but yet, you know you have to. I had to. I had to take control and not let them run loose.

Its nice isn't it, to feel wanted, to feel the love of a child. Its probably the only reason we became a mother in the first place. A million bucks won't compare to that "Mommy, I love you". Ashley hasn't said that yet. She hasn't even called me Mommy. But when she does, I am sure to shed some tears. Feelings of happiness, joy. Feelings that only a mom would know.


sting said...

fully understood the feeling.. I tried very hard not to snap at my baby too.. but I think babies don't know how to hate.. and they will always love their mummies.. hope you are much better..

IMMomsDaughter said...

It's ok, you gotta rest so that you can take better care of her. Imagine if you were sick and yet had to babysit. You'll probably be a lousy mother that day and regret it for the rest of your life.

Ok, you know our motto *wink wink* So, don't get made at my bluntness.

Mommy to Chumsy said...

It's normal to feel that way and I went through that too :( btw, I didn't cry when Ashley first called me "ma ma". I only cried when she counted from 1 to 10...hehehehe

Kelly said...

Before your Asley can say 'mommy i love u' there will b tonnes & toones of questions for you to answer until u feel like....arh!!! heheheh... soon soon i will hear that complaint fr u....heheheh
fun to b a mama, isn't it!

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