Happy

Ash told me that I am "the best mom ever" and that she will "love me forever" and that she'll "never break my (her) promise (to love me forever)".

Naturally...I felt the love and I was 'aawww-ed'. Who wouldn't be, right? Coming from a 6 year old, you have to believe her. It's different if it was from a 25 year old male, he may want something in return but from my girl? Nah...it's the real deal. 

You do understand why I needed to jot this down, don't you? Yes. As blackmail when I am 60 and she dumps me in some 'home' with complete strangers. Of course I need to remind her of her pledge to love me foreever. Meaning, never leave her side. 

Right? 

Yes?

No? 

But, really, I want to jot this down because I just want to remember her innocence. I want to remember what she's like at 6 when she's 16. I want to tell myself being a mom is truly worth all the effort I have put in and its not in vain. I want to know that I have done right by my kids. I want to be sure that I have given them the best that I possibly can. I want to know that they have the life that they deserve because no one asks to be born. When I say 'deserve' does not mean that they are showered with money or is pampered all the way. No. It is that they are treated like how any rightful human being is supposed to be treated : with respect, honesty and love. And, in turn, I see that reflecting in their being, their soul - I want to be assured of it. 

Being a mom, I am constantly asking myself if I am doing things right. There are no exams that I can take or evaluations for me to tick off, to know that I am moving along the right track. That I am passing each level with flying colours, or even passing at all. I can't find any. This is one test I wish I can take no matter how much I hate taking exams. It's the one result which I will eagerly wait for. 

But, unfortunately, there's no such exams. No such evaluations. Nothing.

The only way I know I have been passing each level of my child(ren)'s live(s) is how happy they are, how confident they are and how much of a good person that they are. 

There are no awards for moms (or dads). You don't need them actually. I know I don't and never did. Just the sheer joy resonating from a child is good enough for me. It's more than enough for me, personally. It's everything.